As we move one year forward I like to think I am starting to get some of these grown upping things down, it’s almost like I don’t need my stabiliser wheels anymore when it come to things like playing or trying new things, or not worrying about not knowing I am getting alot more comfortable with these. But there are still some grown upping essentials where I am more like this…
One of those core skills of adulting that I very much want (aka need) to develop is this idea of discernment. I feel that as a grown up today our ability to figure out what is right for us, what is true, what is the right next step etc. all of these things that have this merky layer of grey around them, comes down to our ability to discern.
Discerning what is true and what isn’t
Discerning what is ours and what isn’t
Discerning what we want and what we don’t
Discerning the direction of the next step
None of it is necessarily easy, but I am starting to think it’s par for the course with growning up. This ability to think and discern for ourselves without needing the noise, validation, direction of others all of the time. This doesn’t mean we don’t ask for help or advice, of course we do - as I have already covered in past newsletters I think that we need to embrace our community and move away from our own hero myth. But within that we still need to find ways to sharpen our own thoughts and ideas rather than let them dull with endless barrage of other peoples thoughts, opinions and ideas. Especially when we think about the fact that we are mercy to them on such a global scale now. To open social media is to upload a million new perspective, ideas, thoughts, emotions into yourself. Which on the one hand is hugely exciting and on the other hand is overwhelming and exhausting.
We must then learn as adults how to sift for gold. And the only way I have learnt to do that is instead of rushing in to planning my life too much, taking time to pause and listen.
This time of year can be full up of expectations of what we want to achieve and plenty of plans. It’s very easy to sit down and write a to-do list and if you are anything like me you are like “you get a yes, you get a yes” to every plan thrust your way.
Filling up your calendar like each offer is a perfectly formed cookie 🍪 (yum!).
But my friends that is how we end up being sick. We are too busy saying yes we don’t have the discernment of when to say “sounds great but I can eat that perfectly formed cookie next week” (Just an example - you go eat the cookie if you want). But all of this comes down to being enough in ourselves and in the moment to listen. Listen to what we want, listen to what really matters to us, trust those gut instincts that help us get clear on what we actually think and what we actually want.
It seems to me like the only way to hone our ability to discern for ourselves is to get better at listening. And really hearing both what we think and feel, and also what people are really saying or not saying. Because I am pretty sure there are good clues hidden in all of that.
I definitely have my training wheels firmly on for discernment and expecting to make a lot of mistakes as I grow but who knows by this time next year I might be a little steadier.
Listen up
This time of year is definitely the time to be more gentle and less structured. There are so many great resources written around wintering, and created to help us slow down and plug in. Personally I love Katherine May on Wintering. There is so much goodness here.
Sound is the best way to practice listening and I swear it helps new ideas come up - Sara Auster has just started weekly sound baths on Instagram live every Wednesday. Pure bliss. Or practice just listening to a favourite song or album with your eyes closed.
Playing in 2023 - I won’t repeat myself here on why play is great, but I do think when we mess around with things it’s easier to find secret thoughts and preferences. If you want to play more this year - listen to this Podcast on how to play more, or join me for 30 Days of Play on Instagram.
Our feelings tell us so much and I loved this guide on how to feel your feelings. Mostly for the beautiful graphics. They also have some thoughts on play!!
Nothing like some good question prompts to help you start listening to yourself. Here are a few great ones from Austin Kleon:
And as a bonus some tips on other ways to be more discerning especially when it comes to the information we are fed by other people - How to spot Bad Science.
Whatever your growing up goals are for 2023 lets go slow together and not worry to much about getting it right first time. We can always meet up back in the blanket fort with a cookie to restore.
Until next time, happy growing Amigos,
Lucie x
Lucie Lincoln is a writer, podcaster and content creator. Always Dancing, usually with Cookies.
Find more thoughts on growing up here, listen to Almost Grown...Up here or buy her book Living a Creative Life - Everyday Play here.